Awww… shoot doggy!
I’m attempting to write this post with tears still in my eyes and my sides still hurting from laughing uncontrollably.
In the past, I haven’t care to watch American Idol. I don’t like manufactured bands and mediocre pop stars, so naturally I don’t particularly like “reality” shows where A&R reps who brought the world Madonna, the Spice Girls or N’Sync judge young people trying to break into that same, cookie-cutter music assembly line. However, watching this season’s auditions is going to make me soil myself one of these nights.
Tonight, a 22-year-old Seth Strickland (unfortunately, yes, we’re probably related, but he’s probably a distant, distant cousin) from Rome, Georgia attempted to sing Michael Jackson’s Thriller whilst doing the dance moves that accompanied the classic video. Seth so miserably failed to do either that I nearly had to change underoos, I was laughing so hard.
What really cracked me up was his breaking out of character when he made mistakes, and he made several mistakes. He’d softly be mumbling the words when a dance step didn’t go as expected, and he’d come to a complete stop, saying under his breath, “Awww… shoot doggy!” or “Awww… crap!”
Since I’m on the subject, even I, a music layman, can give American Idol contestants some advice on what not to do/wear if you want to have a snowball’s chance in H-E-double hockey-sticks’ of making it past the initial audition.
- Don’t wear clothes with stupid sayings on them.
Wearing clothes with the word “Hollywood” surrounded by question marks makes you look like an idiot. - Don’t wear clothes that make you look like a hootchy-mama.
They make you look… cheap… like a hootchy-mama. - If you’re male, don’t sing a female singer’s song.
The one exception was the gay guy who sung a Whitney Houston song, but at least he brought it down into his range. - Don’t dance.
First off, this is a singing competition, not a dancing competition. Second, no one can sing well when they dance at the same time, why do you think Britney Spears lip-syncs?! Third, it makes you look stupid. - Don’t talk trash.
Dissing Ryan Seacrest or any of the judges, either before or after your audition makes you look either crazy and/or like a sore loser.
My money has to be on the cute little girl named Paris, who sang what she said was a Billie Holiday song with the same melody as Take Five.